Sandwich caring is no picnic
"Sandwich caring" or "dual caring" is usually defined as having carer responsibilities for children as well as older relatives. A Carers UK report in 2012 "Sandwich Caring: Combining childcare with caring for older or disabled relatives said that 2.4 million people are already in this situation.
Pamela cares for her husband, who has dementia. Three days a week she also looks after her young grandchildren, and in addition she also keeps an eye on a couple of frail neighbours. She initially contacted me to give me some feedback about the site and to suggest a couple of items, and on hearing of her caring responsibilities, I asked whether she would like to write a page about her life. Here's Pamela's story.
"Sandwich caring" or "dual caring" is usually defined as having carer responsibilities for children as well as older relatives. A Carers UK report in 2012 "Sandwich Caring: Combining childcare with caring for older or disabled relatives said that 2.4 million people are already in this situation.
Pamela cares for her husband, who has dementia. Three days a week she also looks after her young grandchildren, and in addition she also keeps an eye on a couple of frail neighbours. She initially contacted me to give me some feedback about the site and to suggest a couple of items, and on hearing of her caring responsibilities, I asked whether she would like to write a page about her life. Here's Pamela's story.
Ged and I have had a great life together. We've travelled extensively, taken part in motor rallies in Africa, and spent 10 years in California, we've lived, laughed and brought up two wonderful children. We settled down to retirement once my daughter had her children, and bought a house in the same Yorkshire village so that we could be closely involved with them as they grow up. My daughter and son in law were struggling to cope financially after their third child was born (they already had very young twins), and so I offered to look after them for a few days a week so my daughter could return to nursing. This was fine because Ged had lots of hobbies and many friends. If he wasn't tinkering about with something in his workshop, he was working in the garden, or helping a friend.
Slowly Ged stopped doing the things he enjoyed doing, it took me a few months to realise because I was so tied up with the children and also pretty exhausted at the end of each week. I suddenly found he'd be sitting in the kitchen, or lying on the sofa just staring into space - not typical Ged behaviour at all! It was my son who mentioned dementia and suggested we contact the doctor and eventually after he nagged us incessantly for several months, we bit the bullet. We found out that Ged does have quite a rare form of dementia.
Slowly Ged stopped doing the things he enjoyed doing, it took me a few months to realise because I was so tied up with the children and also pretty exhausted at the end of each week. I suddenly found he'd be sitting in the kitchen, or lying on the sofa just staring into space - not typical Ged behaviour at all! It was my son who mentioned dementia and suggested we contact the doctor and eventually after he nagged us incessantly for several months, we bit the bullet. We found out that Ged does have quite a rare form of dementia.
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The diagnosis hit us hard but we were determined to keep on doing the things we enjoy doing, for as long as possible. Although my daughter offered to put the children into nursery I refused; she had gone back to work because I was able to take care of them and I couldn't let her down now, just when they were beginning to get onto a more sound financial footing. I've had to be very organised so that I can get the twins to playschool and back, spend time with the baby, care for Ged and shop for the elderly neighbours.
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Despite my best intentions, I'm beginning to struggle now. Ged's care needs have increased rapidly - almost in direct relation to the amount of attention I need to give to my youngest grandchild. When first I cared for her she was newborn and slept most of the time, now that she's toddling around she needs more of my time. It's very cruel to watch a young child grow and develop, learn new skills and ways of communicating when her grandfather is losing all those essential parts of himself. But it has been lovely that we've been able to spend this time with the children - and Ged really enjoys all the things they do; painting, singing songs, watching cartoons on the television. At least he doesn't get bored very easily. The twins are full of mischief and he encourages them. He taught them to play Hide and Seek before Christmas and often the house is full of squeals and giggles as he runs around with them, jumping out of cupboards or crawling under beds. They really do tire him out and he sleeps well at night.
My sleep's not so good, I often lie awake for hours. There are days when I just want to pull the sheets over my head and rest. I'm beginning to feel as though I'm a piece of elastic which is being stretched, and stretched, and stretched. At some point it will snap - what will happen to the people I love and take care of, when it's me who needs to be patched up?
My sleep's not so good, I often lie awake for hours. There are days when I just want to pull the sheets over my head and rest. I'm beginning to feel as though I'm a piece of elastic which is being stretched, and stretched, and stretched. At some point it will snap - what will happen to the people I love and take care of, when it's me who needs to be patched up?